I wanna passion pit in your ass
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
