is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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