Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize