Three words: puerto rican gang bang
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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