Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
