you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
