Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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