So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
