Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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