I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize