My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
