We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
