I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
