Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
