Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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