I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
