About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
