Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
