you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
