I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize