Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
