Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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