You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
