I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize