if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
