I got chris browned last night
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
