Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
