It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
