It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
