i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We're too hungover to prance.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
