sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
