I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
