So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
