If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
