Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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