He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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