he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
