my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
