I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
