# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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