did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
