i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
