We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my being single is dangerous.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
