I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize