i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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