the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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