U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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