I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
