it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
