I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
