We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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