U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
