4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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