I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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