I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
