You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
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