I can tuck mytits in my pants
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize