listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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