Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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