I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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