But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
