Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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