all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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