I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
