i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
