Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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